Freedom feels better than any Malbec I’ve ever tasted

I’m Irish. I’m an expat, and I live just outside Paris with my French husband and three funny and fabulous kids. Five years ago, if you’d asked me if I fancied a drink, the answer would always have been, “Yes, please!”

The first time I got drunk, I was 14. I was painfully shy growing up and never felt like I quite fit in. Drinking gave me a way out of that—it let me go a bit wild like everyone else. I always knew I’d travel. I loved languages, had a sense of adventure, and eventually settled in Paris. And wherever I went, no matter the country, the one culture I always fit into? Drinking.

When I started doing all the grown-up things - career, mortgage, kids - in a foreign country where I never quite felt like I was getting it right, wine became my way to relax, cope with stress, and take the edge off. Whatever happened, there was always a ‘treat’ waiting in a wine glass.

The trouble was the more I blurred the edges of the hard stuff, the more I blurred the good.

The issue was, I would find myself after a long day at work, and a long night of homework and bedtimes, alone in the kitchen with the remains of a bottle of wine, and only the cat for company. It no longer felt like a treat… and I would gasp awake every night with pounding anxiety. The morning alarm would screech and I would swear I’d go to bed early tonight, only to find myself pouring “just the one” later that day.

I realised I both wanted to drink and didn’t. I was completely confused. Wine was slowly draining the joy from my life, and yet I always made sure there was a chilled white in the fridge and a stockpile of red in the basement. Every evening, coat barely off, I’d reach for a wine glass. I’d worry about my future—with wine in hand. It made no sense. I was trudging through life. But I was Irish, right? Of course I liked a drink. I loved wine, of course I did. Why would I ever give that up? How could I?

I never felt a pull to AA, and “alcoholic” didn’t fit. And as COVID was about to shut us all in, I started googling versions of “how to stop drinking, without actually stopping drinking”. The sober internet started popping up in my feed, and gradually I started hearing people voice all the thoughts in my own head. My confidence was crushed, from all the broken promises I’d been making to myself. I learned about science, and how to give myself compassion. I read all the books and I listened to all the podcasts (often nodding along with wine glass in hand). But a weird excitement started building, and I began looking forward to the day when I didn’t have to drink. I knew so much more than six months ago, but I realised knowing was not doing. And if I wanted to feel confident, I had to give this thing my all.

There was no declaration of “never again!”, no “forever” off the booze. I focussed on a short break from drinking and the rest is history. I lost the desire to drink because I was finally taking care of myself. I could hardly believe it. I felt powerful - physically, mentally and emotionally. And that freedom feels better than any Malbec I’ve ever tasted.

If I had been silently struggling - beating myself up, feeling ashamed and stuck - then I knew other women were too. And they needed to know there was another way.

When I started talking with people about my discoveries and how amazing it felt to thrive alcohol-free, they just couldn’t understand how I did it! Didn’t I feel like I was missing out? How did I relax? They couldn’t imagine life without drinking either. I knew then that alcohol hadn’t just been taking up too much space in my head, in my life - it was omnipresent, and wreaking havoc. No one needs to wait for a rock bottom to decide it’s time to take a break from drinking.

If you feel like your drinking is quietly running the show, and you’re stagnating - with exhausted mornings, anxiety, broken promises - then you are absolutely not alone. You don’t have to figure this out by yourself.

With specialised training from This Naked Mind and as a Grey Area Drinking Mastercoach with Jolene Park, I bring practical tools, deep support, and a no-shame approach that actually works. This isn’t about willpower and self-discipline. It’s about feeling better - physically, mentally, emotionally - and that starts the moment you say yes to what you truly need.